GATORS, SNAILS, SNAKES and HUMANS
This is a story about my state, this is where I have resided for the past 45 or so years. And it speaks to the things you probably are not aware of. Things no one told you about Florida, especially real estate people.
And we are a state with the state bird, the Mockingbird. Who in their right mind in the Florida Legislature made the Mockingbird the State bird? Pick the Pelican, stupid or the Egret.
Even the Alligator is better qualified. Scientists tell us the ancient Dinosaurs actually evolved into birds, thus cutting out 50 million years or so and since Gators eat a lot of birds, I assumed it should be our state bird. I vote for the Gator, winner take all….
Someone once asked me are Gators that dangerous? GATORS DANGEROUS, only to idiots! They are our state treasure. Generally, They won’t bother you while boating, fishing or skiing in the Florida swamps. The are best defined as curious, cunning, focused, ambush hunters.
Around humans most of the time these lazy critters are just looking for a handout from the human subculture “Homominus Bidiotosis”. They are the morons who feed them marshmallows which just makes them more comfortable around man. Then the handout can become a hand. By the way gators think hands taste like chicken.
Just avoid the nests around mating season, don't look for lost golf balls near the edge of the water and don't walk "Fluffy" at the waters edge. Gators think "Fluffy" tastes like chicken. A hand isn't worth a Titleist nor a Noodle and watch out when swimming in inland lakes. It's a territorial thing. And they were here first. Gators aren't the only things we have to be aware of in our state, you’ll soon see.
GATOR STYLE
Our Jurassic friends, some of the first settlers in Florida since they appeared during the Oligocene epoch about 37 million years ago come in two flavors worldwide. The American Alligator and the Chinese Alligator. In Florida however we have the American Gator plus two other members of the Crocodilian Family. The Salt Water Crocodile common in some estuaries and the Caiman introduced from South America by pet stores.
Thus three common types with teeth exist in Florida, with a lust for food and one pseudo branding sport gator, with lots of noise, the Florida Gators who are football fans. The only other Gator specie in the world is the Chinese Alligator, smaller in size, about 5/8th of the American version whereas the record for an American Gator is 19 feet and the oldest known Gator which was donated as a yearling to a German Zoo is known to be 76 years old. Weinersnitzel must be good for you.
The Chinese alligator currently is found only in the Yangtze River valley and is extremely endangered, with only a few dozen believed to be left in the wild. Indeed, far more Chinese alligators live in zoos around the world than can be found in the wild. So far no travel visas have been issued and the Chinese culture saw them as a food source and voila, few alive.
In review, the real gator can be confused being with Salt Water Crocodiles, the Southern Gator and the Caiman. Caiman were those cute pets sold as Gators in our pet stores. Usually overfed they grew quickly. When they ate the family pet or took a finger, they all too often get the short ride to the glades or flushed into the sewer system. Surprise, they lived. Sewers have water that goes for miles and rats. Home sweet home. They hunt a lot at night so dark is OK.
Caiman, think of them as a Gator in ripping shape with an aggressive attitude of a Crocodile. They only cause harm when people interfere with their lifestyle, which is to eat anything with fur or skin, dead or alive, moves or makes a noise. The ad said they make great pets, they forgot to ad "who like other pets”. They were not native to Florida, but imported from S.A. as cute pets in the sixties. The difference between the three is evident. The Alligator has a wide face and articulates his upper jaw with incredible strength to close it. Not so strong to open it. Thus the duct tape or electricians tape you see in all those TV shows to secure them when trapped. The Crocodile can articulate his lower jaw opposite to the alligator. The Caiman can articulate and move his upper and lower jaw. The Aliigator is more laid back than either the Crocodile or Caiman. The Caiman wins the nasty award.
Most common attacks, realistically, the Gator is our official trash and unleashed dog law enforcer. In residential areas he is the reminder not to leave your dog unleashed, near the waters edge, or wandering around. Leash laws in Florida do exist, but they are not heeded too, nor enforced strongly enough. Besides, Gators don't read, and some humans don’t read signs either.
Yes, stupidity exists, it's rampant and is doing well amongst some of our not too bright pet owners. Cats are smarter, they don’t like water and our feral cat population (over 100,000 in our county) has not been diminished by the gator population. Cars get cats, yes, Coyotes, yes, Cat HIV yes, Gators no. Maybe cats taste like cats and not chicken.
Soon we'll have to put the Gators on Lipitor with all the sugar and carbs they are getting. DO NOT FEED THE GATOR! First it’s illegal and recently our fish and game people issued tickets. Arms, legs, pets and chicken parts look the same to the Gator. His walnut size brain has one function. Not much you can do with a walnut so it’s 100% dedicated to food and body control - temperature determines what Alligators do. Gators think people taste like chicken and a hell of a lot better than bread.
GATORS-3 HUMANS- 0
Unfortunately as things run in cycles, last year was a bad year for Gator fatalities. Three definite fatal Gator attacks on a swimmer, a gal walking real close to the edge of the water and another Gal with her legs dangling in the water off a dock. These attacks in urban neighborhoods stem from two things. Compression of the Gators habitat and the idiots that feed them while walking their dogs.
They loose their fear of humans and associate humans as a food source. An animal with hundreds of pounds of body weight and a brain the size of a walnut doesn't differentiate. Those canines will crush anything after he drowns it. And he is capable of a burst of speed faster than a human can react. 35MPH. They are ambush predators lying just below the surface at the edge of the water and can cover fifteen feet in less than two seconds. They think poodles taste like chicken and people taste like poodles who taste like chicken.
TAMPA BAY TIMES
A popular Central Florida tourist attraction could face fines after a tour boat filled with riders began taking on water in alligator infested water. The boat at Jungle Adventures Nature Park in Christmas, FL was carrying more than a dozen people Saturday, many of them children, when it started to sink. Terrified riders said water started coming into the back of the boat so the guide told them to head to the front while he pushed the boat back to shore with a pole. One stranded passenger said they were all very scared and they even spotted alligators by the boat. Investigators say there were no life jackets on the boat. Right now the cruise ride is closed down.
LAST WEEK
Happens all the time: Someone did feed the “pet” Gator last week in a trailer park. The folks that live there thought the nine footer was harmless. They got the guys arm back (so much for stories of the arm that feeds you) so he could be buried in one piece. Gators drown their victims. They got the gator and the mans arm back, so he could be buried whole.
You would have better luck smoking in a dynamite factory. In the wild the Gator is the top of the food chain except for man and many restaurants who serve farm grown gator, quite good I might add. It's got a gamier taste than chicken. Don’t overcook it. Tastes more like rattlesnake than Chicken unless you get them free ranging chickens. We have dirt-fed free-road kill chickens here.
After Hurricane "Fay".... With water as high as three feet deep covering a good part of the state, and 40 million dollars of damage, one group did benefit from all the rain. The Gators ( not the football team) are thinking main street is their new turf while surveying millions of dollars damage. The Gator Lobbyists are claiming victory for mother nature in returning all this nice land the developers ruined when they turned the state into the Condo-Congo. Leave them alone, give them a birth, avoid them during the mating season and we’ll all sing Kum-Ba-Ya around the fire missing no one.
NEW SNAILS NOT WELCOME IN LOS ANGELES - ALREADY IN FLORIDA
Los Angeles International Airport inspectors seized an unusually slimy package. 67 live giant African snails that are a popular delicacy across West Africa and used in some Religious ceremonies in Florida. The snails which are prohibited in the U.S. arrived from Nigeria. The snails were confiscated July 1, a sample sent to a specialist in Washington, D.C., who identified them, as a prohibited species, and the USDA incinerated the snails after they were inspected.
The animals are prohibited in the U.S. because they can carry parasites that are harmful to humans, including one that can lead to meningitis. The confirmation that a small portion of the giant African land snails infesting Miami-Dade County contain rat lung worm.
Rat lungworm parasite can be found in snails or their “slime” (mucus), and if ingested may cause a form of meningitis. To prevent infection the public is recommended to avoid handling the snails, instead, to call the Division of Plant Industry toll-free helpline at 888-397-1517 to report snail sightings.
An inspector will be sent to collect the snails. If you do come in contact, like in your house, wear gloves, thoroughly wash their hands after handling the snails, and avoid touching their hands to their mouths, noses or eyes after handling snails. In addition, it is recommended to carefully wash all produce that may have been in contact with snails before eating. Same recommendations for Ebola.
These snails are seriously harmful to local plants because they will eat any kind of crop over 500 species, they can get to and in Florida it is more serious. There is already a snail problem in Miami-Dade County, and FDA leaders fear the snails could make their way into Central Florida. Florida first saw a problem in the 1960s
They can also threaten your home. “The first six months of their lives, they primarily eat stucco off the sides of house to build calcium to build their shells stronger. In the last year and a half, they’ve collected, frozen and killed 150,000 snails from suburban yards scattered around the eastern side of Miami-Dade County and recently fielded its first reported infestation in Broward County. They reproduce quickly and one snail can hatch 1,200 eggs in a lifetime because they're hermaphrodites they don't need a mate. and they eat hundreds of different types of plants. The snails have the ability to grow to be 8 inches in length. The snails are also used in religious ceremonies to predict the future.
At a little-known government laboratory in South Florida, they keep the snails under lock and key. But giant African land snails are such a threat to humans that the rules say they have to be kept locked away, just in case. But they are pretty sure the giant African land snails that the state has spent more than $6 million to capture and kill were smuggled in by a religious cult that used the snails' mucus in healing rituals.
Miami's most prominent practitioner of Santeria the government needs to check Tampa, Orlando, Jacksonville, West Palm Beach and Tallahassee for snails. "The potential is higher in those areas," said Oba Ernesto Pichardo, of the Church of Lukumi Babalu Aye in Hialeah. "All those areas have sufficiently active religious populations with a snail culture. Charles Stewart, of Hialeah, sometimes known as "El Africano" or "Oloye Ifatoku." Stewart practices a traditional African religion called Ifa Orisha, which is often confused with the Cuban Santeria.
DOGS TO THE RESCUE
If conditions are too dry, they burrow into the soil and hide. When the rainy season returns, they emerge, like zombies clawing their way out of a grave. Agriculture Commissioner Adam Putnam touted his agency's acquisition of a pair of Labrador retrievers trained to sniff out the pungent scent of the snails' excrement. Cong keeps live snails locked in her lab at the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Subtropical Horticulture Research Station in Miami so the dogs can become familiar with the smell.
MORE FROM THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
FLOIDA SPIDERS
The Black Widow Spider and the Brown Recluse Spider (aka the tissue eating spider) are just two of our poisonous and very common species. They can make garden work exciting. Not to say some Caterpillars, Swarming Hornets, and the African or South American Killer bees won't make you a mess either. Fortunately there are anti-venoms available at many local hospitals. The Brown Recluse is also known as the tissue eating spider and requires immediate professional help.
FLORIDA SNAKES
While tip toeing thru the tulips, be aware we share the soil those who can't tiptoe. They only have one tip and most likely it isn't a toe, it's a rattle. Namely, Coral snakes, Eastern Diamond Backs, Copperheads, Timber Rattlesnakes, the Dusky Pygmy Rattlesnake, the Cottonmouth and Water Moccasins all have poisonous bites that require immediate medical attention. If at all possible, and the snake has been dispatched, bring it with you to a trauma clinic, the responders will know where to go. Different poisonous snakes have unique venoms and require specific anti-venoms. Time is valuable.
While our cottonmouths can inflict very nasty wounds, the ordinary water snake which looks very similar can bite if you mishandle them. The most common snake in Florida is call the ‘Black Racer because it is a Black snake and the fastest thing on one foot. They are a protected specie, harmless to humans and have an enormous appetite for mice and rats. Thats why they are protected.
Last year one got into a friends garage, and armed with shovels and rakes they wanted to organize a hunt and dispatch about a four footer. I explained to my friend he’s here because you have a rat nest somewhere here. I gently picked him up, bare handed, no aggression, put him in a bag and dropped him at the park. I told them get an exterminator.
Recently our most predatory additions of epidemic size and now a state program to try and bring under control, Pythons and Anacondas, some bigger than twenty feet long have taken on the Gators as top of the food chain in the Everglades. Not poisonous, but able to crush anything they get around and yes they do have huge teeth to hold on to you while they choke the daylight out of your brain. They have gotten even bigger in the perfect unrestricted topographical growth and abundant food sources of the Everglades. They were dumped in the Everglades by really thoughtful citizens when they got big enough to eat small deer and children, theirs.
Best bet is leave snakes to those who know what they are doing. Again and I repeat please just don't kill a snake because it crossed your path. Generally they retreat and quickly get out of your way. REPEAT: There are some protected species in Florida (The Black Racer eats mice) and if a snake is hanging out near your house, most likely you have rats and mice too. Think of the snake as your partner in rat and mouse control.
NEW! BACON ON THE HOOF
In addition to the snakes we now have an epidemic of wild feral hogs (super destructive and dangerous bulldozers) find the Florida climate enduring. They get frequent copulation miles for reproduction and range from Texas, Mi, AL and GA.
Wild boar attacks on humans are not common but do occur occasionally due to stupidity. Usually, the boars, like most wild animals, will avoid interactions with humans unless cornered and they a like an MMA fighter in the Octagon. Fast, razor sharp tusks that will slice you open. But a sow with piglets is another story and will fight too.
Due to the clearing of natural boar habitats, the number of interactions, including aggressive ones, between humans and boars has increased. When dealing aggressively with a human, boars will charge at them. Sometimes, these may be bluff charges.
But, in other cases, violent contact will be made. While the impact of the large, hard-skulled head may cause considerable damage itself, most damage is inflicted by the boar's tusk. When ramming into a person, the boar will slash the tusks upwards, creating sizeable open lacerations on the skin. Due to the height of the boar relative to a human, most wounds are inflicted to the upper legs. Catch an artery and you are in trouble.
Some attacks are provoked, such as when hunters wound a boar which then counterattacks. Male boars become most aggressive during the mating season and may charge at humans at such times. Occasionally, female boars will attack if they feel their piglets are threatened, especially if a human physically comes between them and their young. Although a majority of boar attack victims recover with medical treatment, fatalities do occasionally occur.
Note these pigs are omnivorous, and eat more than plants.
MOSQUITOS - TICKS
Our world class mosquitoes and ticks can carry Lyme Disease, and it's variants. No longer is the Lyme virus strictly from a DEER tick. Also they carry the strain that causes Meningitis. Which is a sometimes fatal swelling of the brain. You'll need good repellant and a new brain if left untreated. It's characterized by flu-like symptoms.
One of the major problems with Lyme disease is that it, just like Ebola can effect different folks based on age or physical condition. LD can show up in the body almost in any organ, highly undetectable, can lie dormant for up to three years and the symptoms may mimic or be similar to other disorders. I have two friends with the Lyme Disease and both have been on an ongoing battle for close to five years now. More in an article I am putting together.
AMOEBAS
Death by Amoeba: Keep your nose and mouth closed while swimming. There is a rare Amoeba that infiltrates your body from those nice warm swimming holes in the summer that has killed several children these past years. Though rare, it is deadly if you come in contact with it. The problem is there is no way of telling you have it almost till it is too late
NOTE: Pinellas County, Florida - Code enforcement officers in Pinellas County now have another tool to fight the swarms of mosquitoes that are common in Florida during the rainy months from May through October. County commissioners have passed a new ordinance that gives mosquito control the authority to issue citations to people who don't attempt to control mosquito problems on their property.
The offense is called Harboring Mosquitoes. Under the new ordinance, anything that holds water and attracts mosquito larvae must be eliminated or treated. If not, property owners will get a warning. If they ignore two warnings, property owners will be hit with a $188 fine. Brilliant! So we fine 10 people this year, and thirty billion/trillion mosquitoes still get away because of inadequate spraying. 2013: Two more deaths have been attributed to the deadly amoeba brain syndrome.
SEX OFFENDERS
What is the worst predator in our state? Liberal sex offender laws. In abundance in our beloved state is the two legged kind, like Mr. John Evander Couey, 46, a convicted sex offender who kidnapped, raped, and then buried alive a wonderful nine year old Jessica Lunsford. This occurred in Citrus County. In 2005, the slaying of Sarah Lunde in Hillsborough County is the latest in a tragic series of crimes that have involved the deaths of young girls and the arrest of felons with histories of violence or sexual offenses. In a little more than a year, 11-year-old Carlie Brucia in Sarasota was kidnapped and killed followed by the death of 9-year-old Jessica and 13-year old Sarah.
09/21/09
While making update corrections to this article, a little 7 year old girl in Floral Park Florida is missing. The predator address scan for that area indicated no less than 87 former child molesters residing within a ten mile area. She too did not make it.
Couey had an extensive criminal record that includes 24 arrests for burglary, carrying a concealed weapon without a permit, and indecent exposure. In 1991, he was arrested in Kissimee on a charge of fondling a five-year-old child. During a house burglary in 1978, Couey was accused of grabbing a girl in her bedroom, placing his hand over her mouth, and kissing her. Couey was sentenced to 10 years in prison but was paroled in 1980. Because of the lenient laws governing child molesters at that time, Couey was released early.
The Gator has a brain smaller than a walnut... Mr. Couey and the others had a human adult’s brain. I would rather see and live amongst the miniscule brain of the Gators, insects and snakes than let those abductors, rapists, pedophiles and murderers live amongst our children…
If I had my way they all would be Gator bait. 2/14/07 during the Jury selection on the east coast of Florida, Mr. Couey was seen doodling in a child's coloring book. It is believed this is part of the defenses ploy for a possible "innocent by coo-cooism" plea. If so this is a low-down dirt bag scheme by the defense team and the Judge should step in.
THE VERDICT: Guilty as charged: Murder in the first degree, rape of a minor under 12, Kidnapping and so forth. Lets adopt the 30 day law as in England. Lets not pay the attorneys provided by the taxpayers 10 years of appeals as we are paying for the attorney, room , board , medical, dental and a library, TV etc. On September 30, 2009 at 11:15 a.m. EST.
THE END CAME FROM ELSEWHERE: Couey died at Jacksonville Memorial Hospital after complications from Anal Cancer before the sentence of the court could be carried out. Amen. Send him a postcard addressed to hell.